I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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