i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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