She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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