i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
