Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
