I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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