did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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