Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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