return my video game
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I will pee on everything he values.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
