Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
