My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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