please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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