I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize