if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
