he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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