she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't deserve a penis
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
