two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
