anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
