just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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