I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
