just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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