Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
