im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
