dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
