Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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