Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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