honey bunches of taint.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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