dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
