I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
