I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
