apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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