She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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