i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
