ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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