yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just had sex on a roof
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
