do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
