At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
