and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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