I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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