neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
