So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
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The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize