So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
