my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize