you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I had to cum in my sink.
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