You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
