wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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