I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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