Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize