Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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