Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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