It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
