Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
honey bunches of taint.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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