I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
