she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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