so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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