We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
