There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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