my sisters under your porch take her home
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
