He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
