Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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