i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
