He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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