yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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