in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
