The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
