I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
