You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
