My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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