my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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