She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
