Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
