After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
