sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
