I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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